This morning, I went on a walk with Strollzilla (my double-wide stroller) for the first time in weeks. I’d been up for a while (Brad flew off island for work), the kids had been fed and were in a good mood, but I managed to leave the house totally unprepared. I forgot my heart rate watch and chest strap (my goal is to do some ‘light’ cardio for the next 7 days in the place of running, to do HIIT and PiYo, and measure/control intensity based on my heart rate). To add insult to injury, the scenery along the walking path I chose left much to be desired, but it gave the kids an excuse to take a short snooze, and it gave me a lot of time to think about where I am right now and try to envision where I’m headed.
Workouts wise, July has been an amazing month. I joined a PiYo 60 Day Challenge Group and am killing those workouts. I’m running at least 3-4 times a week and my time has improved significantly. I’m eating better most days though I’d say that’s where I still struggle. I’ve seen some weight loss but, MORE importantly, I’ve seen my performance get better and I feel much stronger. I try not to obsess about my weight, but in all honesty, the numbers are weighing on me. I can’t quite seem to get to the weight I was before my husband came back from deployment (there’s a 6 pound difference currently) and every time I step on the scale, my heart and my confidence die a little. I’ve had to put the scale back in the closet with a Post It note on it (since Brad likes to weigh himself) reminding him that it needs to go back in the closet when he’s done because I don’t have enough self control to not step on the scale if it’s sitting there on the bathroom floor and weighing myself is contributing to my self hate. Not the cheeriest Post It I’ve ever written, but it’s the truth.
Tonight, I finally had a conversation with Brad about how I’ve been feeling and the things I’ve been internalizing, and as usual I expected him to say something sage that would make me feel better, but, as usual, he just told me the truth – 1) that others are always going to judge and have opinions about how I look so I need not care about that, and 2) that the only person whose opinion I should care about with regard to me is ME. This pisses me off because when women talk to other women about these things we have a tendency to show care by empathizing and/or comforting. He, on the other hand, shows his care by speaking an unsympathetic truth and he’s totally right to do so. It’s one of the many reasons I love him and I rely on him for that whether I want to admit it or not.
As I near the end of my health coach certification program, I am starting to panic about being the person putting myself out there to help others in a coaching capacity. I wonder, “If I have these struggles MYSELF, will people be able to rely on and confide in me when they have similar issues?” The answer, I hope, is yes. A coach of any kind is someone who can relate to your own struggle and your own goals because they’ve been there. They’re going to tell you what you NEED to hear not what you WANT to hear.
My husband is my very best friend – he is a balancing force in my life as I am in his. He has a positive impact on the person I am becoming every day. He helps give me the courage to face MYSELF when I just want to turn away from the mirror. He loves me even on days when I don’t love myself. I just hadn’t realized until now that he’s been my coach in this area all along and probably will be for the rest of my life. It was HIS love of health and fitness and his active lifestyle that motivated me to leave that gal sitting at her desk 30 pounds ago in the dust and become the fitter, healthier person I am today. The questions now is, “How do I stop from thinking negatively about myself?”
Who is your best “coach” and how have they helped you on your wellness journey?