Motherhood, Running

Be The Change

Happy New Year! I have been thinking for some time about how I might begin blogging after yet another long hiatus. Would I focus on goal setting? Training? Family life? I have consistently STOPPED myself from writing here many times because I’ve worried about straying from the topic of running too much, getting too personal, or I’ve just not MADE the time to sit down and get it done. So, before I continue with this post, I will be upfront with you and tell you that I Run This Mother in 2014 WILL do all of those things. I will continue to talk about running because it’s such an important part of my life and I will continue to share things I like and have learned in my journey to life long health, BUT I will also get painfully personal, I will suddenly go from talking about training to talking about the challenges of motherhood, life as a stay at home military wife, the lessons learned from being the daughter of a woman too young to have Alzheimer’s, and my adventures as an entrepreneur.

My heart hopes you continue to read my blog because my purpose for writing is not to ‘hear myself talk’ or file my complaints in the webosphere under “who gives a shit”. It’s to share experiences that I learn from (and these days, my God, there are just so many) with the hope that you might find a nugget or two to add to your toolbox for coping, growing, and LIVING this life. I’m not an expert, a coach, or a guru. I don’t have answers and I’m the furthest from perfect there is. I’m just a woman, wife, and mother who does what most men and women try to do each day – find, have and appreciate new ideas, enjoy the good things, try not to go crazy when it’s bad, feel fulfilled, have and give love, be passionate about and grateful for being, experience as much as possible, and make moments count. I hope you will continue to follow along. Ahh, I feel so much better….so let’s do this.

be-the-change-cindy-greenbeanToday is Sunday, the day that I do what military folks would call a hot wash of what happened in the last week and plan ahead for the next. I update the weekly board in the hallway of my house, I check and triple check the Google calendars to make sure I don’t forget appointments, can plan correspondence, and make lists. It’s something I enjoy doing and it makes me feel in control of a life that quite frequently is out of my control (i.e., I didn’t get to run the Honolulu Marathon because of a port call change – I don’t regret it – still waiting on orders, husband is STILL deployed.) Anyway, all of this reflection and planning usually makes me ridiculously happy, but today, I had a cloud of negativity darken my door and I can’t seem to fan it away.

This year I will be 39 years old  – almost FORTY – and despite having nearly reached this milestone of ‘maturity’ in my life, I continue to find in my social circle women of similar ages who still have not learned the lesson that spending your time talking negatively about other people behind their backs is a GIGANTIC red flag that there’s something wrong with YOU, not the person you’re talking about. I will be the first to admit that I have been tempted to go down this road and slipped a few times because it feels good to lick my emotional wounds and temporarily quash my own pain by directing the anger I have for myself toward other people, but it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s wrong and I need to focus on what’s wrong with ME, not what I THINK is wrong with someone else (which is none of my damn business).  I felt compelled to point this out today because no matter how I distract myself, the thought keeps lingering in my head, and I have to let it go. Women can be such assholes to each other and quite frankly, we are too far along to keep tolerating this, my God…

While my first instinct was to write an open invitation to all shit talkers in my circle (they know who they are) to take a hike, I decided the better thing to do was to look inward and start with ME.  I don’t need to change a damn thing about who I am or how I live my life in response to what others say about me because they don’t have the courage to say it TO me.  I just need to take a look at myself, admit that at some point we’re ALL shit talkers, and BE THE CHANGE I want to see. For the most part, I’m pretty good about picking up the phone when someone is rubbing me the wrong way and issuing a direct WTF, but before I even think of doing that, should I not see if there’s something IN ME that is causing what the other person is doing or saying to rub me the wrong way? I challenge all of us to think about the last time we felt like (or did) saying something negative about another person – what was going on in YOU? What did they say or do that struck a chord of FEAR or UNHAPPINESS in YOU? Really. Think about it.

SO if this is all about looking in ME, why write about it HERE?  Because I’m of the opinion we ALL need to do this not so simple exercise. The world needs more love, more positivity, more joy, and less self loathing, less negativity and less hate. Before you judge or criticize, look within. You may be surprised at what you find, but more importantly, you might be EMPOWERED to change what is in you and elevate yourself (and others) to a whole other level of being. That’s the kind of human being I strive to be and taking control of who I am and the energy I put into the world is what running this mother is all about.

Who will you choose to be in the New Year?

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